You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
