the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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