one might say we're banned from that church
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
