Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
