Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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