somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
