i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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