I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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