Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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