Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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