He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
