I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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