either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
