I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
