I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize