I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
