Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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