Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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