It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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