im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
