He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
