drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
