i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
