i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
