I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
