I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
