i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
