well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
