i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
