Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
