Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found puke in my bra..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
