I bet he comes in French.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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