It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
