I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize