I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
