I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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