home. puking in laundry basket.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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