One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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