Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my being single is dangerous.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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