I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
