It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
