Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
