I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
