He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
