After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
