Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
