Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
