As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
