dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
