i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
