He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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