Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
