so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
