i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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