I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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