I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
