it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize