Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
