Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize