She said her name was "party"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I die, sorry about rent.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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