If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
