I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
