the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
