i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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