Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
