Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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