The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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