She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
