There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
