Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize