her vagine was all disorganized.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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