SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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