why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
