Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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