Just cropdusted the office
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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