Whod you bang
did you get engaged???
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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